project 52 • life right now.

hello! i am back. and i’m very happy about it! three incredible christmases, six lovely days in arizona, a weekend at the cabin for new year’s, and a few photo shoots and weddings later, i’m so relieved that life is back to normal again.

a lot has happened in the last week for me, and it’s taken a few days to work it all out and think it through, but it’s led me to the inspiration for doing a project 52 for this year (like everyone else, i know!)–one photo a week for a year on a certain theme. i hesitated doing it, since i’m not the best at follow-through and i give up easily. :) but i just kept feeling like i wanted to find a way to better record my life and growth personally. so, i decided on the theme of a weekly self-portrait of life right now.

so many things will be changing for me this year. and as i’ve been reflecting (and resolving, of course–new year’s resolutions are my favorite) on my life the last few days, i’ve realized that there is a lot i want to change and improve about myself along the way. so i think this project is how i’ll try to record it.

to start, i have two self-portraits to share. last week, before i even decided to do this project, kenny and i were sleeping in one morning during our arizona trip and as i laid in bed, flipping through things on my phone, i snapped a few iphone self portraits. i tried not to worry about the leftover makeup and the bedhead, and just photographed myself like i was feeling right then: run-down, frustrated, uninspired…

i’d been running myself ragged for the last few weeks and it had definitely caught up to me. for a while, i’d been feeling frustrated with myself for not being the kind of person i really want to be. i have this picture in my head of the version of myself i wish i was. that person runs a successful business, photographs in a style true to herself, cooks healthy and delicious dinners, dresses fashionably, reads her scriptures every day, prays like she means it, has a clean and happy home, and she probably even flosses.

that’s just not really me right now. and last week i was feeling so discouraged by that.

but here’s this week’s self-portrait, taken this morning:

so what changed? while in arizona, we stayed with amy and lauri, kenny’s wonderful aunt and uncle. over the course of those few days, i watched the kind of life amy leads. she is smart and happy and makes people feel good about themselves. she faithfully reads her scriptures every day and has these incredible spiritual insights. she is an amazing chef and made us these delicious, healthy, cuisine-style dinners. the thing i really loved though, is her passion for everything she does. everything that she loves, she commits to whole-heartedly and she does them well.

and i just realized that i can do that too. if something is important to me (everything i listed above in the ideal version of myself), then i just need to commit to doing it and doing it well. find the passion to change something about myself, one thing at a time. daily improvement and progress. so… that stack of books and magazines i’m holding includes: business books, an awesome healthy cookbook i just bought, wedding magazines, my favorite self-improvement books, and my ipad (which contains a multitude of great podcasts, ebooks, business/photography seminars, etc.). all items that have inspired me to be better and will help me improve myself bit by bit.

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p.s. if you are doing a project 52 or something similar, let me know. i’d love to follow along for inspiration. :)